Sick and tired of Junior wasting his life away on your sofa, guzzling Yoo-hoos and eating you out of house and Cheetos?
Does Lula Mae waste gazillions of gallons of hot water showering every morning?
No room in the garage for your pickup and hog?
Have I got a deal for you!
Give the kids your house … and buy another one on Lake Lanier.
It just so happens there’s one for sale that might meet your liking. Sure, it’s a bit on the big side, but this way you can have family reunions at your house, instead of putting all those tables together at El Sombrero.
It’s got all this and more!
- Thirteen oh-my-golly acres of polished land sticking right out into Lake Lanier for everybody to covet.
- Two-story foyer big enough for Frisbee golf.
- A double wrought iron staircase that’d be perfect for grand entrances to dinner, even in your jammies.
- A custom library big enough for all your Duck Dynasty DVDs and Elvis wall hangings.
- A formal living room where you have to say things like “as it were” and “if you will.”
- A Barrell ceiling — but we’re not sure how well the barrels are secured, so wear a helmet the first few times.
- Gourmet kitchen where you can make pulled pork five different ways all at once.
- State of the art theatre that does not require you to open your car’s trunk for rocking bass.
- Your very own bar.
- Your very own elevator, but it only goes up and down, not sideways like on Star Trek.
- Giant yard with no neighbors to whine about raising chickens or cuss at you for swapping engines.
- Private dock.
- “Pebble Tech Pool with Spa/Slide” to impress city folks and tassel-loafered yuppies.
- Tennis courts that can easily be converted to use radio-controlled cars.
- Two-story guest house that can easily be converted into a house with 10,000 stories after a few parties.
- Something the brochure calls a verandah, but there is no such word. Maybe they meant “veranda”? Heck, why not just say there’s a fancy permanent awning by the patio where you keep the kegs?
- More windows than a cruise ship.
- More grass than in California.
- In the event of an earthquake, this property might become a cool island!
My daddy always said, “Son, if you have to ask what it costs you can’t afford it.”
If you’re looking for a place that has ten bathrooms for those “just in case you need one in a hurry” moments or if you want 24,000 square feet of space to hide from your mother-in-law, this sucker is just what you need.
The best part? These digs are being auctioned off! You might be able to save MILLIONS OF DOLLARS from what it cost to build it!
Call me when you have your first party, please. I promise not to write about what happens.
Probably.
